sarcasticpixie: OH YOU GUYS
sarcasticpixie: let's open up a sex shop and name all the merchandise after baseball players
aloha_moira: here's our most popular item, the Big Papi
sarcasticpixie: "if you're looking for something smaller, but speedier, try the ellsbury."
maggiesox: 'Here is our Pedroia. It's small, yet effective.'
sarcasticpixie: "this is our lowell -- a tried and true model, popular with all types of women."
maggiesox: 'And this is our Papelbon. We actually don't know how this works.'
aloha_moira: and this one, the JD Drew, can satisfy you in many different ways... it's a 5-tool toy
maggiesox: But only every four days.
aloha_moira: I was going to say "but you may not get very attached to it... we're not sure why"
maggiesox: 'And this one is the Millar. We can't get rid of it.'
sarcasticpixie: "this one goes at it long and hard, but it can be a bit overwhelming for a first-timer -- we call it the beckett."
sarcasticpixie: "this is our theo. it cuddles, too."
aloha_moira: for those of you who like the fluttering action, this is the Wake
piney61: This is our Wakefield: It has some trouble working sometimes but once you get it in a groove, it works like a charm.
aloha_moira: it comes with one accessory, the Mirabelli, but that doesn't really do much
sarcasticpixie: "this is the lugo -- it's not very popular, and it's got problems with its power supply."
maggiesox: 'This is the Schilling. It has a USB plug in.'
maggiesox: 'It's kind of noisy, though.'
sarcasticpixie: "this one can pleasure you AND shoot intruders. we call it the timlin."
piney61: This is the Varitek....everybody loves it, but we dunno why. It's serviceable but it's out of date.
maggiesox: This is my favorite conversation in the history of human speech.
maggiesox: 'This is the Gagne. It's broken.'
aloha_moira: is it wrong that this chat is 400 times more interesting than the World Series game we are ostensibly watching?
piney61: This is the Gagne....we thought that this one would be so great and it looked so awesome upon first view...but upon customer testimony, shit don't work
sarcasticpixie: "this is the royce clayton... honestly, we forgot we stocked it."
piney61: This is the Okajima...this model came out of nowhere and is a little unorthodox, but man does it get the job done
piney61: This is the Papelbon....it may scare the shit out of you, it's so intens
piney61: This is the royce clayton, we forgot about it, but it's pretty funny
aloha_moira: This is the Lopez, it has a really unconventional movement, but sometimes it's effective, particularly on lefties
sarcasticpixie: "we call this the buchholz -- it's slim, but it'll surprise you."
aloha_moira: and we only expect it to get better over time
sarcasticpixie: "this is the coco. many of our customers try it, but come back to purchase the ellsbury for long-term use."
maggiesox: 'This is the Epstein. We stocked it for our more upscale customers, but every woman that looks at it just stares slackjawed in amazement.'...
sarcasticpixie: i am amazing like the matsuzaka -- it takes a while to get used to, but it's worth the money in the end...
aloha_moira: the Lowell comes along with the Beckett... most women don't expect much from it at first, but later on find that they couldn't live without either of them
sarcasticpixie: buy one, get one free?
piney61: Let's not forget the Julian Tavarez, for those strapped for cash. Make sure you hide it from the chlildren...it's a little unconventional but hey, sometimes it can surprise teh hell out of you and get it done
sarcasticpixie: omg piney, i am laughing and i am also horrified because i don't want to think about julian tavarez near my ladyparts
maggiesox: Dude, I am not letting a toy named after Batshit near my nethers.
piney61: it's a guilty pleasure, folks
piney61: not that I'd even use it
sarcasticpixie: "this is the youkilis. it's nothing to look at, but it gets the job done."